Thursday, February 7, 2008
Changes...or the lack thereof
Yesterday when I came home and got the mail there was a nice little letter from my landlord. Basically it said that my year lease is almost up and I need to either sign this line to extend it, or sign this line to agree to be out of my apartment by May 1st. This in itself is not that big of a deal to me; however what it does mean is that it has been almost a year. A year!! I moved out of my house and made some huge life changes March 25, 2007 and I knew that it would be hard. I planned on being emotionally messed up, and I have pretty much done a good job at that. But a year?!! I’m having a hard time not being a little distraught that it feels like my life is still all up in the air and crazy. How have I not DONE something in the past year? How do I not have some sort of plan about where I want to be and what I want to do?? Why do I still want to just go home and crawl into bed every night instead of going out and making some sort of effort? Instead of changing my life for the better? Making new friends and meeting new people, experiencing new things? Shouldn't I at least be a little bit ready and willing to move on by now? Not necessarily move on from Jon, just with life in general. If in a year I haven't done any of these things how long is it going to take?? A year?? Wow…
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13 comments:
I don't think you give yourself enough credit. Think about all the time you have spent with your family in the last year. Brandon is leaving soon and I know that for the next TWO years, you are going to be so glad you got to hang out with him so much for a whole year. And I think you've come a really long way from where you were. And hey! I'm a "new friend" of sorts! Come see me, will ya? I love you lots, Michelle! Give yourself a pat on the back because whether you think so or not, you really do deserve it!
I think you're doing just fine. I said it, so it must be true. I love you sis, and this past year (its really been that long?!) has been so great, because I have gotten to know and spend time with you again. Thank you for that. I know you well enough to be certain that you'll be just fine no matter what happens. Smile. BS
michelle.... From what we have seen from our somewhat removed location we have seen a young lady that is regaining her personal confidence and again letting her personality shine. After so great of a life change you need some time to rest, regain personal self trust and to know that things can be ok... You have done all that plus more. Now is the time to allow yourself to think about the future and what you want to do with it. The future is a long time so don't get into too big of a hurry... We lobe you Uncle Harry and Aunt Judy
no rush. but i know how you feel. i feel like i should have something more to show for my effort/time/sorrow. but i'm still me. and you are still you. and that's enough. more than enough. i think it is ok to be a human being and not a human doing. hugs.
OH YOOOOOUUUUUUU SWEETHEART!!!!!
Take it from one who knows - a year is sooo short in the realm of emotions and changing. You Are GREAT! Just surviving, is sometimes the hardest work you will ever do. I agree totally - getting to know Brandon again is priceless - you'll never have that again. Just smile and get through a day at a time. Trust me, when I was with you, your soul and spirit were hanging in there, I felt it. I love you, bunches, to the moon and back and back and back.
by the way, call me anytime, okay??????????????????
Oh my goodness, just look at all the good comments people have said about you. It may seem to you like you've gone nowhere but you have and others are able to notice it. We all have that feeling of a year has passed and what have I accomplished. Just ask the family/friends around you and they can tell you lots. The few times Kol & I get the chance to see you we have such fun! You are so brave and wonderful and you do deserve all the happiness that your family can give, even the extended family wants to help too. You truly are amazing!
I agree 110% with every one's comments. You are the best, are cherished and simply wonderful. I love being with you and feeling of your sweet spirit. I too feel like you do but like others say sometimes it's just one foot in front of the other which is good enough somedays and hard to do all at the same time. Love you.
you guys are all wonderful! thanks
Michelle, you are the best! I know that there have been hard times and that there will be more, but your love for your folks and your family is obvious AND their love for you (along with us!) So you are doing fine!
Love you!
Michelle,
To say you havent done anything in the last year is not even close to being true, you have no idea how much it means to me that I have you back in my life. I am so thankfull my daughter has such a wonderfull aunt, and I feel like I have got to know you so much better in the past year. My advise for you is dont get in a hury to get living or you will miss out on the journey. Enjoy every day for all the simple things. I hope you know how much I love and admire you, you are such a great person with a big heart. One more thing I will anlways be your big Brother and if you ask Brandon I take that verry serious, I will always be there for you even if all you need is chocalate. Love you lots sis, jared
Michelle,
You are too hard on yourself, I think you are amazing. And we will definitely have to play some more...even though Brandon is leaving. Let's be friends! =] And thanks for always being so nice to me! You're so sweet!
-kj
P.S. I'm so very glad you are feeling better, I was worried about you.
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