My Circle

I've been having a rough time lately.
Emotionally and physically.
When my kidney problem was diagnosed in November my kidney function was around 20% and the doctors told me that percentage would definitely decrease, they were hoping it would decline about 1% per year. Three months later (last month) when they checked my kidney function it was at 13%. Which, in case you aren't great at math, is WAY more than 1% per year...so we're in the process of getting all the paperwork and doctors appointments completed so that I can get put on the transplant list. I still haven't started dialysis yet, apparently there are a couple of different types of dialysis, the one where you have to get a fistula (which is a TERRIFYING idea to me for some reason) and typically takes about 3 days a week for 4 or 5 hours a day (which would make it hard to keep working and therefore keep my insurance....ahh stress!!) Or the other kind of dialysis where you do it at home while you sleep, but in order to be eligible for that type of dialysis my A1C (which is basically the 3 month average of my blood sugar levels...I'm Type I diabetic too, remember) needs to be a bit better (its currently at 8.something and ideally it should be about 6.something), so we're putting off dialysis for as long as I can handle the symptoms of crappy kidneys in the hopes of buying time to get my A1C better and open more options for the dialysis.
Anyway, so I'm dealing with some stress.

• The stress of the rapid decline in kidney function.
• The stress of making sure my blood sugar levels are as perfect as I can get them (which is hard since the kidney issue effects the blood sugar issue and its still so new to me that I don't really have a firm grasp on how to adjust things to make them as good as possible)
• The stress of gaining up to 25 lbs due to all the water retention and therefore having no clothes that fit
• The stress of getting transplant eligibility paperwork completed which includes;
• The stress of getting into any type of doctor you can possibly think of, which therefore gives the added stress of:
• Scheduling doctor appointments
• Finding new doctors; for example, the dentist which I haven't been to in an embarrassingly long time
• Making sure that the scheduling of all these appointments messes with my work schedule as little as possible since I couldn't do any of this without insurance
• Stressing about how the hell I'm going to pay for all for this, including the thousands of dollars worth of dental work that needs done before I can even turn in the transplant forms

This list could go on and on and on. It seems like I find something new to stress about on a daily basis but I'm gong to stop this stress list now cause that wasn't what this post was supposed to be about. (oh great! Now I'm stressing about a damn blog post! hee hee)

What is so amazing to me though, is the group of family and friends that I have in my life that are taking on so much of this stress without me even having to ask for their help. You want some examples of this amazingness?

• My husband has forbidden me from even looking at the doctor bills that just keep rolling in. He is taking care of it all. I'm not even aloud to get the mail anymore cause he knows that money is something I can't stop worrying about once I start.
• My brothers amazing wife took it upon herself to look up my dental insurance and find a new doctor in my network. She called around to discuss my situation and that we're trying to get this taken care of ASAP so we can start the process of waiting for organ transplants until she found the one that sounded like it would work out the best. Then she called me to tell me that my appointment was set up for later that day to get the dental ball rolling.
• My mom has driven down from her house, which is about 90 miles from my house and takes about an hour and a half, so that she could drive me to various doctor appointments and be there as moral support for me.
• My brother, who is also diabetic, has spent countless hours discussing possible causes and solutions for my blood sugar issues and teaching me about my new Continuous Glucose Monitor and Insulin Pump.
• My Aunt has spent so much time researching and on the phone with people looking into which options would be best, long term, for insurance and my job, and whatnot.
• My mother-in-law has offered to come clean my house
• Some good friends have taken my step-son for the day when my husband was working and I was just too tired to entertain an amazing little 9 year old.

And these are just a few specifics that I can think of. Things that have happened in the last week or so. I'm not even including the many, many texts or calls for offers of "If there is anything at all that I/we can do..." I'm also not even including the moral support and meaningful hugs that people just seem to know that I need. 

So the point of this blog post is to shout out to my circle of people. The people that are in contact on a daily basis and the people who are in contact maybe once a month but who I know are thinking about me on a daily basis. I'm a wreck right now, but I KNOW that I would be a million times worse without the support of my people.

I have the best people.

Thank you my people!!

My Friend Santa

I am lucky enough to live within walking distance of work. In fact, it would probably take me longer to get my car out of my parking garage at home, drive over, and park it at the parking garage at work than it does just to walk the two(ish) blocks. In order to get to work, I usually walk through the building that houses the children's museum here at The Gateway. Well, during the holidays they have a little area in that building where Santa comes to hang out, and the kids can sit on his little purple sofa and get their picture taken with him. I LOVE that. I love walking past all the fun holiday decorations every day. I love seeing the kids that are all excited cause they just saw Santa. And I love that I have been walking past Santa on such a regular basis, that we have started to become friends.

It started out slowly. I would walk past, smiling cause I was happy to be seeing all the Christmas spirit around me, and Santa and I would kind of make eye contact and smile at each other. Then after a couple days of that, he obviously noticed that I walk past everyday cause I started getting that little head nod of recognition. One day as I was walking home, I got a full on hand wave from him. A couple days ago, he actually said "hello" to me. And last Friday as I was walking home for lunch, there weren't any children there, so we exchanged a little small talk. It makes me so happy!

So if anyone needs me to do some damage control cause they were a little more naughty than nice this past year, let me know. Santa and I are totally becoming friends!

Yum, Sushi!!

On Tuesday night I got together with some friends that I've made out here in Connecticut (April, Sadie, and Chef Patrick) (by the way, Patrick actually is a chef, that's not just a quirky nickname or something...ok, on with the story) and had a delicious meal. I learned how to make sushi!! We all went over to Patricks house and he taught us how to make sushi (mine might have been considered fake sushi since I am vegetarian and don't eat fish...therefore it had no fish in it. I call it sushi anyway!) and tempera (sweet potatoes and asparagus) and April taught us (I'm sure Chef Patrick already knew how...I dunno) how to make Won Tons (I don't know how to spell that so if its wrong, just pretend it isn't...thanks!). It was tons and tons of fun and so yummy! We mentioned that sushi night should be a new tradition and we should do it once a month, cause it was such a great night. mmmmm.....sushi.....

Unfortunately I forgot to take my camera with me so I only got a few not very great shots on my phone, but here they are. It was so great!

The "M Project"

This post is way overdue! I just wanted to say thanks to my wonderful friend Lauren. I was talking to her one day before I left about the company shirts I had with my name on them and said she wanted to make me something and asked if she could have them to do so. I gave her the shirts and for about a month I constantly heard bits and pieces about "the M project" as Lauren lovingly referred to it. She wouldn't tell me what it was, but I was aloud to know that everyone else at the dealership knew what it was, and I was led to believe that they all had something to do with it. It wasn't until the night before I moved to Connecticut that I found out what "M project" was. It is the most beautiful quilt I have ever seen. She gave most everyone at the dealership a quilt square so they could write me a message, then she sewed them all together with my shirt in the middle. It means so much to me. I'm sure she thought it would mean a lot to me, but she couldn't have possible known HOW much...a lot! So to Lauren I have to say this...thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you...

Goodbye For Now My Ensign Friends

These are just a few pictures of my last couple of days working at Ensign Imports. I know I'm a little slow posting this, since the last day I actually worked there was July 3rd but a lot of these people became really great friends to me over the last few years and I will miss them so much so i thought it was better late than never. I love and miss you, my Ensign family!! xoxo

I Love My Brothers!!

Cause they're really silly!

Welcome to California

Wednesday was a bad day. I don't have a good reason but I wasn't happy. So I thought to myself 'I just want to run away.' On Thursday I told a coworker and friend, Lauren, that I wanted to run away and we did some wishful talking about going to the ocean. We were on the verge of actually doing it when I called her Thursday night and said, "This is a silly idea, lets not go to California." The next day (Friday) I got to work and this is what was at my desk.

Lauren had set my little bamboo plant up to be a palm tree, and my little Zen Garden up to be the beach, and attached a little note that said "Welcome to California!" It made me so happy! I told her she forgot about the ocean, which I happen to love with a passion that I can't describe, so we decided to set my water bottle next to the beach. Oh if only it were true...

BUT WAIT! THAT'S NOT ALL!!

Friday was a slow day at work and by about 10:00 am I was all done with everything I needed to do. I took that as a sign, and by noon, Lauren and I were on the road on our way to the ocean! Yay!! We drove all day Friday, played all day Saturday, and drove again all day Sunday.

At this point I need to apologise to my wonderful family that lives in California, because I was SO CLOSE! If I would have had even just a little more time, I would have come by for a little visit. Please forgive me, I'll take another spontaneous road trip sometime soon hopefully and I'll come visit then.

Anyway! I wanted to share a few pictures from our little jaunt to Half Moon Bay (see, I told you I was close, Half Moon Bay is only about 30 miles south of San Francisco. I also hear that this is one of Aunt Catherine's favorite places. Understandably so, it's BEAUTIFUL!)

Yay, for spontaneous road trips! It was just what I needed!!

Gemini

I miss my dog. Her name is Gemini. She was so playful and full of personality. She would snuggle with me at night time. She would keep me company. I know it sounds nutty but I swear she would somehow know if I was upset or had a bad day and she would crawl onto my lap and up onto my shoulder and she would snuggle her little head underneath my chin. I don't know where she is now, Jon kept her when we split up and I think he gave her to his mother or his uncle, but I miss her. I didn't even want a dog in the first place especially not a chihuahua but Jon talked me into getting her and I fell in love with her and now I miss her. It would be so nice to have a little Gemini affection.

The Fairy Tale Adventures of Steph & Michelle

Once upon a time there were two beautiful maidens....

Their names were Michelle and Steph. Steph lived in a far away land called Connecticut and Michelle wanted to come visit.

So Michelle went to the Salt Lake international airport and got on an airplane and flew all the way across the country to this far away land. Michelle was so happy to be seeing Steph and they planned to have Grand Adventures!

When Michelle had made it safely to Connecticut the two lovely maidens decided to take a train into the city of New York. They made sure to take photos of Michelle waiting to take her first train ride and of Steph in Grand Central Station.

They decided that they should go see the view of NYC at night from the top of the Rockefeller Center (aka the Top of the Rock). It was something neither of the beautiful maidens had ever done so it was especially fun for both of them!

They next day (Saturday) the two beautiful maidens were lucky enough to have another beautiful maiden join them on their trip back into the city. Stephanie's sister Kelly! Once they all got to Grand Central they made sure to stop for what could possible be the most delicious bagel in all the land at Hot and Crusty's.

They rode the subway to all sorts of exciting places, like Washington Square Park, where they also spent some time wandering around The Village and to Times Square to see some of the sights. They got all sorts of delicious goodies from the street vendors all day long as well. Another fun place they went was to the Brooklyn Bridge...





They had a lot of fun walking over the bridge from Brooklyn back into Manhattan. Making sure, of course, to take some fun pictures along the way.

After sitting down for a slice a cheese cake at Roxy's, the three lovely ladies were lucky enough to be able to go see The Phantom of the Opera! It was a wonderful show and they all enjoyed it very much.



The next day (Sunday) the beautiful maidens were two again. They had another splendid day in New York, full of Grand Adventures. They ate lunch at one of Steph's favorite places, Speedy's. They wandered around Central Park, They did a little shopping and had a lot of fun!



...They also broke the rules just a little by sitting on the stairs at Grand Central Station.

But New York wasn't the only place where the maidens had Grand Adventures. They also had a wonderful time in Connecticut...



Steph introduced Michelle to Stefano's Pizza. Home to the most delicious pizza that she had ever tasted.

And they also got to see the beach in Connecticut!

Michelle was sad when it was time to leave, but she was happy that she had gotten the chance to go. She was so grateful to everyone that helped her on her magical journey, and she was happy to have spent so much wonderful time with her friend Steph.



She was also very happy that she got to meet some new friends while on a layover in the Chicago (Midway) airport. The Blues Brothers!!
Michelle had a wonderful time!